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1913 |
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13 |
2019-05-03 01:24 |
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Now came a pause of ten minutes, during which I, by this time in perfect possession of my wits, observed all the female Brocklehursts produce their pocket-handkerchiefs and apply them to their optics, while the elderly lady swayed herself to and fro, and the two younger ones whispered, How shocking! Mr. Brocklehurst resumed.
The first time I found St. John alone after this communication, I felt tempted to inquire if the event distressed him: but he seemed so little to need sympathy, that, so far from venturing to offer him more, I experienced some shame at the recollection of what I had already hazarded. Besides, I was out of practice in talking to him: his reserve was again frozen over, and my frankness was congealed beneath it. He had not kept his promise of treating me like his sisters; he continually made little chilling differences between us, which did not at all tend to the development of cordiality: in short, now that I was acknowledged his kinswoman, and lived under the same roof with him, I felt the distance between us to be far greater than when he had known me only as the village schoolmistress. When I remembered how far I had once been admitted to his confidence, I could hardly comprehend his present frigidity.
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And better?so much better as pure ore is than foul dross. You seem to doubt me; I don¡¯t doubt myself: I know what my aim is, what my motives are; and at this moment I pass a law, unalterable as that of the Medes and Persians, that both are right.
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You will when you are out of the country: when you get back to Spanish Town, you may think of her as dead and buried?or rather, you need not think of her at all.
Why?
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A week passed, and no news arrived of Mr. Rochester: ten days, and still he did not come. Mrs. Fairfax said she should not be surprised if he were to go straight from the Leas to London, and thence to the Continent, and not show his face again at Thornfield for a year to come; he had not unfrequently quitted it in a manner quite as abrupt and unexpected. When I heard this, I was beginning to feel a strange chill and failing at the heart. I was actually permitting myself to experience a sickening sense of disappointment; but rallying my wits, and recollecting my principles, I at once called my sensations to order; and it was wonderful how I got over the temporary blunder?how I cleared up the mistake of supposing Mr. Rochester¡¯s movements a matter in which I had any cause to take a vital interest. Not that I humbled myself by a slavish notion of inferiority: on the contrary, I just said?
Only it forces rather strongly on the mind the picture of what might have been, said Mr. Rivers, and contrasts it somewhat too vividly with what is.
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Never fear?I will take care of myself.
During the moment I was silent, Miss Eyre, I was arranging a point with my destiny. She stood there, by that beech-trunk?a hag like one of those who appeared to Macbeth on the heath of Forres. ¡®You like Thornfield?¡¯ she said, lifting her finger; and then she wrote in the air a memento, which ran in lurid hieroglyphics all along the house-front, between the upper and lower row of windows, ¡®Like it if you can! Like it if you dare!¡¯
Humph! The wickedness has not been taken out of you, wherever you have sojourned.
How do you do? he asked.
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